My friend says I should quit saying rehab as it gives the wrong impression. Though Pisces are notorious for their addictions there is nothing that I am hooked on. But this Spring has felt like I have been locked away to wrestle with my demons.
I had a generous windfall that allowed me to live in Durango, Colorado for a couple of months without working, though very simply. I found a hotel kitchenette which fit my purposes just fine. It reminded me of a dream from this past winter of Perez Hilton inviting me to "Celebrity Rehab". I wasn't ready to find "home", but needed something institutional as I worked through this Rebirth Process.
Because I was being so unconventional I lost most of my support from family and friends. People who had been in my life for decades were now gone. I haven't talked to my children since early Spring which means my grandchildren also. I spent weeks locked in my room crying and raging at God.
(God as in Divine Mind that talks to me....I think the real God would probably fry my neural circuits if IT actually communicated.).
I had no TV to distract me and only a couple of books that I had already read. Occasionally I could pick up the internet from the hotel but not enough to keep me from getting bored. And my camera broke, which if I do have an addiction would be how I keep my sanity. I had nothing and no one to distract me from myself.
God answered back.
I was "told" that everything had been taken away so that the only thing I could concentrate on was myself. This was to be a total breaking down of ego. As all my children were doing well, I was to redirect that focus and I was promised that those relationships would be restored.
I was going through the alchemical process of Death and Rebirth. And it sucks.
I went to the Herbalist for some homeopatic medicine for grief. Then a couple of weeks later for some St. John's Wort to be happy.
I don't have a car and while everything is within walking distance it meant carrying those groceries and that laundry. I lost ten pounds a month and firmed up.
I finally found a job which I'm quitting on Friday. It was also part of this Rehab Process and brought in people to my life that represented the past and the future.
God says that I'm "cooked" and it is time to Live the Dream.
I've been in "rehab" three months and exactly a year since I started my travels.
"She Talks to Angels" by The Black Crows
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1a76FeV2-Dw&feature=related
"Rehab" by Amy Winehouse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LTPRJqt2z4
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