Rebirth. A powerful and often over used word. I've been pondering about what it means to me and I will be as open and honest as I can be at this time. I'm beginning a process of rebuilding my Identity and it is still a bit vague. I'm offering this because on a very basic level if you are interested in this sort of spiritual unfolding you get to a point where you have to let go of some primary programming . Someone recently shared a video on Alchemy and how it was code for transmuting the lead of the personality to Spiritual Gold which required to let go of Ego Identification that is the False Self. We are "programmed" by society, family, schools. This makes for a more smooth running community but may have no connection to who the Real Self is. And with a little digging you can begin to understand how our Society has been groomed since WW2 by our Handlers for a most Evil Empire.
My programming was done by a traumatized teenage mother who could not deal with her experiences and immaturity so projected it onto me, and I became the Classic Scapegoat in a strong narcissistic family. Shit happens. In my Heart I believe that there are no accidents. We choose our childhood to work out own agendas and work out past reincarnational dramas. In the Bigger Picture I feel that my own Agenda was so strong that I put myself in lockdown till this Timeline came to this Moment twhere a more authentic version of My Self was required.
To cope with this programming I smoked a lot of pot, did a lot of reading and journaling, asked a lot of questions and this past few years was helped quite a bit by the Spartan Life Coach videos. I changed so much that my life was always in turmoil as I grew out of routines in my life. Jobs, towns and friends no longer "fit" and a feeling of security and contentment were always out of reach. During this time it was difficult to stay in my body from brain damage done as an infant which opened me up to psychic impressions beyond what I could handle. This all made me look very unstable and gave the Narcs in my life plenty to work with. But with each shift synchronicity increased. My health kept improving and regenerating. I kept drawing increasing unique situations to me and I was downloading information that was outside myself and was being schooled in my dreams. Something was messing with my life and this scared people around me and I became more isolated.
My baseline during this time was that whatever was going on it had to be practical, repeatable and spontaneous allowing the Synchronicity of the Universe to flow me where I needed to be. Four years ago things SNAPPED and I unexpectedly found myself living in Santa Fe with two Mormon Navajo ladies that I had found on Craigslist. Going through my Dream Journal I had been dreaming of them for at least two years before. I stayed with them for 3 years and then a year living downtown.
This past winter I had a series of healings which I wrote about in "The Past 6 Months". The session with Lee Cartwright being the most dramatic. Lee is a Body Mechanic. He didn't want to know how I "felt" but was only interested in mechanics of my body. I joked that he rotated my tires, put in a new altenator and tuned up my spark plugs. He "saw" that trauma at birth had switch off a something at the base of my skull and that while people were supposed to "rotate their energy" counter clockwise with the Solar System I was going the other way which was another indication of trauma, and he upgraded my physical brain. It took an hour and cost $120. There is a 3 month wait.
Rebirth was the end result. I started using part of my brain that had been shut off. While I've adjusted to it now, for a few weeks after I noticed that I was perceiving things as if it was the first time even though I knew logically I was familiar with it. I react now to things as a Whole Person and no longer tolerated some behaviors from others. I always knew that I "had it wrong" my whole life. My body changed. I started looking younger with more vitality and my eye color changed.
When I returned from Santa Fe this spring I just could not make some relationships work because I was no longer the same person responding to the old triggers . Synchronicity has become even more frequent and my life is becoming effortless. In many ways I'm starting over. Much of my personal focus is now out of date. I'm content knowing what I know and am now exploring other avenues. For the winter at least I've dramatically scaled down while I get use to the changes and am fortunate I do not have to get a job for awhile.
While in Santa Fe I met Sandra who we both realized was the Bear in dreams and visions I'd had for at least 15 years. In fact, about the only people I dealt with this summer were people who had often been in my dreams for that long. We seem to have gathered to play out some Archetype Fairy Tale. There is a strong sense that this is the lull before The Storm and I've been given this time to get my shit together. LOL For now, I'm very content with an overwhelming feeling of Being in the Flow with little effort on my part and am excited to see where this is all leading.
I highly recommend seeing the healers in Santa Fe. The city it'self has some unique energy and is amazingly beautiful.
Spartan Life Coach