God Releases Me From Rehab

My friend says I should quit saying rehab as it gives the wrong impression. Though Pisces are notorious for their addictions there is nothing that I am hooked on. But this Spring has felt like I have been locked away to wrestle with my demons.

I had a generous windfall that allowed me to live in Durango, Colorado for a couple of months without working, though very simply. I found a hotel kitchenette which fit my purposes just fine. It reminded me of a dream from this past winter of Perez Hilton inviting me to "Celebrity Rehab". I wasn't ready to find "home", but needed something institutional as I worked through this Rebirth Process.

Because I was being so unconventional I lost most of my support from family and friends. People who had been in my life for decades were now gone. I haven't talked to my children since early Spring which means my grandchildren also. I spent weeks locked in my room crying and raging at God.
(God as in Divine Mind that talks to me....I think the real God would probably fry my neural circuits if IT actually communicated.).
I had no TV to distract me and only a couple of books that I had already read. Occasionally I could pick up the internet from the hotel but not enough to keep me from getting bored. And my camera broke, which if I do have an addiction would be how I keep my sanity. I had nothing and no one to distract me from myself.

God answered back.
I was "told" that everything had been taken away so that the only thing I could concentrate on was myself. This was to be a total breaking down of ego. As all my children were doing well, I was to redirect that focus and I was promised that those relationships would be restored.
I was going through the alchemical process of Death and Rebirth. And it sucks.

I went to the Herbalist for some homeopatic medicine for grief. Then a couple of weeks later for some St. John's Wort to be happy.
I don't have a car and while everything is within walking distance it meant carrying those groceries and that laundry. I lost ten pounds a month and firmed up.
I finally found a job which I'm quitting on Friday. It was also part of this Rehab Process and brought in people to my life that represented the past and the future.

God says that I'm "cooked" and it is time to Live the Dream.
I've been in "rehab" three months and exactly a year since I started my travels.

"She Talks to Angels" by The Black Crows
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1a76FeV2-Dw&feature=related
"Rehab" by Amy Winehouse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LTPRJqt2z4

Sounds of Spring

Birds are singing in the pine outside my window. Thunder rolling above with a light shower, the breeze bringing the smell of rain.
The steam train whistle is blowing.
There is a BlueGrass Festival going on and I can hear the fiddles from down the street.
Durango & Silverton Train
http://www.durangotrain.com/
Durango BlueGrass Meltdown
http://www.durangomeltdown.com/

What Has Inspired Me

Terence McKenna
*"Only psychos and shamans create their own reality"
Janice Joplin
*B eing an intellectual creates a lot of questions and no answers.
*Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.
Joseph Campbell
*Follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be. The bliss is the message of God to yourself.
*All you can learn is what your own inward life is and try to stay loyal to that.
*No one in the world was ever you before, with your particular gifts and abilities and possibilities. It's a shame to waste those by doing what someone else has done.
Eckhart Tolle
*Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.
*Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.
*Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.
*I am the hole on the flute that Gods breath flows through.
*The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.
*You are here to enable the divine purpose of the Universe to unfold. That is how important you are!
Seth Speaks
*You are not the creators of the universe, but are the creators of the physical world as you know it.
*YOU create your own reality.
*Thought is energy.
*To apply to reincarnation relationships this is all is highly pertinent to your current daily experience. If you hate another person, that hate may bind you to him through as many lives as you allow that hate to consume you.
*You draw to yourself in this existence and all others, those qualities upon which you concern your attention. If you vividly concern yourself with the injustices that you feel have been done to you, then you attract more such experience, then it will be mirrored in your next existence.
*... you project your own energy out to form the physical world. Therefore, to change your world, it is yourself you must change. You must change what you project.
*If you imagine dire circumstances, ill health, or desperate loneliness, these will be automatically materialized, for these thoughts themselves bring about the conditions that will give them reality in physical terms. If you would have good health, then you must imagine this as vividly as in fear you imagine the opposite.
*Physical life is not the rule. Identity and consciousness existed long before your earth was formed. You suppose that any personality must appear in physical terms. Consciousness is the force behind matter, and it forms many other realities besides the physical one. It is, again, your own viewpoint that is presently so limited that it seems to you that physical reality is the rule and mode of existence.
*In your system of three-dimensional reality you are learning about mental energy (also called thought energy or psychic energy) and how to use it.
*The intensity of a thought or image largely determines the immediacy of the physical materialization. All such images or thoughts are not completely materialized, in your perception, as their intensity may be too weak.
*If the ego were aware of the constant barrage of telepathic communications that impinge upon it, it would have a most difficult time retaining a sense of identity.
*A negative thought, if not erased, will almost certainly result in a negative condition. It does not do to repress negative thoughts, such as fears, angers, or resentment. They should be recognized, faced and replaced.
*If you would have good health then you must imagine this as vividly as you fearfully imagine ill health.
*A man's thoughts and dreams are more far reaching than he knows. They exist in more dimensions; they affect worlds of which he is unaware. The are as concrete, in effect, as any building. They appear in many guises within many systems, and once created cannot be withdrawn.
*There are also shared or "mass" dreams. In these mankind deals with problems of his political and social structure. In these man dreams individually and collectively of ways in which change could occur. These dreams actually help bring about the resulting change. The very energy and direction of these dreams will help change the situation. The solutions reached are not always the same as those he accepts in the physical world.
*In larger terms there is no evil, only your own lack of perception.
*Each of you exists in other realities and other dimensions, and the self that you call yourself is but a small portion of your entire identity.
*For its own purpose, and because of its limitations, the ego chooses a single event from all the probable ones. Until the ego experiences the event it is only one of all the other probable ones. It becomes actual in your reality only when it is experienced by the physical self.
*No event is predestined. Any given event can be changed not only before and during but after its occurrence.
*What you call God is the sum of all consciousness, and yet the whole is more than the sum of Its parts. All portions of All That Is are constantly changing. All That Is is constantly seeking to know Itself, for seeking itself is a creative activity and the core of all action.
*The Inner Senses reveal to us our own independence from physical matter, and let us recognize our unique, individual multidimensional identity
*When every young man refuses to go to war, you will have peace. You do not defend any idea with violence.
Yefim Novikov
*Reality is purely the perception of the individual mind. It follows, that since no two minds are alike, no two perceptions of reality are alike. It further follows, that what reality is to one, may seem complete madness to someone else.
Buddha
*We are what we think, all that we are arises within our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.
*Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.
Jesus
*And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
*For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?"
*Judge not, that you be not judged.
*You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
*Know the truth, and the truth will set you free
*Neither shall they say, See here! or, see there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.
Gandhi
*"NO" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
*A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.
*Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.
*Be the change that you want to see in the world.
*Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth.
*First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
*I am prepared to die, but there is no cause for which I am prepared to kill.
Carl Jung
*There is no coming to consciousness without pain.
*The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.
Margaret Mead
*I was wise enough to never grow up while fooling most people into believing I had.
*I must admit that I personally measure success in terms of the contributions an individual makes to her or his fellow human beings.
Mary Baker Eddy
*Disease is an experience of a so-called mortal mind. It is fear made manifest on the body.
*Spirit is the real and eternal; matter is the unreal and temporal.
Thomas Edison
*I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
*Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we stop harming all other living beings, we are still savages.
Albert Einstein
*A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
*Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.
*Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
*I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.
*If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.
*Imagination is more important than knowledge.
*Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
*Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.
*It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.
*No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
*Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Mother Teresa
*I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there.
*It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start
*I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience?
*I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
Agartha
*Power on a larger scale: The world needs to learn of group dynamics in order to move into its new course of harmonious realignment with spirit. The actual units of energy generated, increase in direct square proportion to the size of the group. The actual units of power to change and create thoughts and actions grow in a great proportion when in a harmonious group than in an unintegrated group.
Group power equals the square of the number of people within a group. If there is a group of 100 people who share a common vision and interact to achieve that goal, then the number within the group (100) squared equals the group's power (100 X 100 energy units) or 10,000 units of generated energy.
It is also possible to effect the necessary planetary changes through combining smaller but already aligned groups. The key is man considering himself in the broader context of planetary being and working toward this end rather than seeing himself as only one insignificant part of a fragmented world."
Eleanor Roosevelt
*Great minds talk about ideas. Big minds talk about things. Small minds talk about other people.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

My mother called me this morning. She said she had a dream that her canary flew away and when she found it, the bird was with hundreds of others so she left it be.

I've just left my mother's home where I visited for 6 weeks. It wasn't a planned visit, but sometimes Spirit has other ideas. It was the best visit we ever had. Mom was a teen when she had me so there have been "issues" between us that colored my relationship with the rest of the family. We didn't discuss anything heavy. In the past I've tried to get her to "SEE Me". This time I tried to respect her space and we fell into a cozy routine. Maybe for the first time she did't look past me when she talked to me.

I've been in Durango for a week now. I've given myself a couple weeks just to get used to the move. I spent 3 days holed up without opening the curtains. I let go of "stuff" that I didn't want to follow me here. In a dream I washed the soot off a cloth. People gathered to watch a Full Moon Rise. It was huge and yellow on the horizon.

I'm starting to explore the town. I'm Home.
The first time in my entire life I feel I'm home.
The Mountain in the photos is where my Home is at.

The Poem
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-know-why-the-caged-bird-sings/

Take Me Home

Easter is so odd. I can't remember the last time I had a traditional one. Maybe when the kids were little. But then, it symbolizes death and rebirth and I'd have to say that wierd as they were, my Easters have been about transformation.

This one started one way and ended another. I spent Easter eatting Chinese in Durango, Colorado. Three days later I am living here. Found a hotel kitchenette. I've given myself the summer to figure out what I'm up to before I find something more permanent.

Phil Collins "Take Me Home"
http://www.myvideo.de/watch/6086969/Phil_Collins_Farewell_Tour_Drums_and_Take_Me_Home

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdNekHiuvu0

Dancing in the Streets

The term "Hathor" is actually a Greek term. The Egyptian term for this goddess is "Heru." The Hathors were a group of interdimensional, intergalactic beings, who actually predate Egypt by millennia. But when they actually started working in Egypt, they worked through the Hathor priestess cult. The Hathor goddess became associated with fertility and sex, ecstasy and bliss. When the Coptic Christians came into Egypt, they defaced the figures of Hathor. They thought it was blasphemous. They didn't understand how sexuality, ecstasy and bliss were connected to "God." That was not in their understanding. So you find that in Egypt a lot of the figures of Hathor were defaced off the pillars and columns.

The Hathors' contribution to Egypt was within that early formative period of the Hathor goddess cult. We call it a cult, but it was a major religious stream at the time. What they were working with was the balancing of the masculine and feminine principles, but the inner teaching of what they were about was the archetype of the sun and the moon, the sun being the masculine principle and the moon being the feminine principle. When those two are brought into balance within our own bodies, we are balancing the electric (male) principle and the magnetic (female) principle. So you have a balancing of electromagnetics. It has nothing to do with sexuality; it has to do with subtle energies within the nervous system.

They are specifically here to balance the masculine and feminine principles by holding a harmonic. The Hathors work with people through vocal sounds. What happens when the Hathors' energy comes through a voice, is that it sets up a field, and those who are in the field, meaning in the room, experience a very powerful, catalytic effect. The energy field that is created around my body can be felt by others, whether they are into the belief system of it or not. It is a physical sensation. A powerful experience with the sound.
The Hathors say that sound is the primordial basis of all creation; that we are standing wave patterns of energy; that we are complex harmonics. We already know this. We look solid, but from another frequency, we look like luminous eggs or orbs of light with filaments of light through our auric field. This aura emits sounds.
http://www.dnaalchemy.com/Hathors.html
Boombox
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hPtcvwIass
Mick and Bowie Dancing in the Street
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaZCZnmdmbA

Jumping Off the Cliff Without a Parachute

Someone asked me what jumping off a cliff meant. I can't remember if I heard this or made it up. Something I read in Castaneda. Making a irrational leap of faith expecting a rational conclusion. I made that Jump last Spring and am about ready to land. I went around to everyone releasing my Karma. The Dreams said that if I did that then I would be called to duty.

I ended up with my Mother...the Source, of Course.
I hot tub while watching the birds she feeds in the winter. Now I'm working on her garden. We've got a routine of watching
"Two and a Half Men, House and Idol". Then I got her watching "The Office". She's off to bed early and I have a G&T and then listen to KSUT. They had Nneka on the other night. She is great!

Mom drives me crazy because she treats me like I'm a kid, but it is a safe place to hang out while I work through all this weird stuff. I keep having bouts of not recognizing myself. I mean a part of me does. Maybe 10%, but the rest I don't remember. Not my life. Not even this planet. I was shown my True Self and the face had white skin, green lips and a Kokopelli hairdo.

The Dreams are reassuring though. I have a piece of rose quartz the size of a house hovering above my head. UFOs are leaving messages in my dream sky. They also showed that the
Great Mother is fading and there is a transfer of Essence. The Dreams say this will all be over in 6 days...I'm thinking that means June. Then it will be a year...a complete cycle.

Nneka
http://www.myspace.com/nnekaworld
KSUT
http://www.publicbroadcasting.net/ksut/ppr/index.shtml
Castaneda
http://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Carlos_Castaneda
Kokopelli
http://www.indigenouspeople.net/kokopelli.htm